That’s a prime example of a ‘Yo Momma’ joke, a genre so popular it became the basis for a series of no-holds-barred competitions on MTV. Produced and hosted by actor Wilmer Valderrama, matches were held on successive seasons in Los Angeles, New York and Atlanta.

From Monday to Thursday, the show pitted the toughest trash talkers against one another. Each team of contestants battled it out in front of a rowdy live audience of their peers. The four winners then came back on Friday for a Best of the Week. Here are 98 more prime examples of Yo Momma humor:

Yo momma so fat,

1. she had to go to Sea World to get baptized.
2. when she tripped over on Fourth Avenue, she landed on Twelfth.
3. she’s got her own area code.
4. when she talks to herself, it’s a long distance call.
5. she’s got smaller fat women orbiting around her.
6. whenever she goes to the beach, the tide comes in.
7. she was born on the fourth, fifth, and sixth of March.
8. she was floating in the ocean, and Spain claimed her for the New World.
9. she wears aluminum siding.
10. she could fall down and wouldn’t even know it.

11. she got hit by a VW and had to go to the hospital to have it removed.
12. the sign inside one restaurant says, “Maximum occupancy, 512, or Yo momma.”
13. she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
14. the back of her neck looks like a pack of hot dogs.
15. her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard.
16. she has to iron her pants on the driveway.
17. when she goes to a restaurant, she doesn’t get a menu, she gets an estimate.
18. when she ran away, they had to use all four sides of the milk carton.
19. she was zoned for commercial development.
20. when she sings, it’s over for everybody.

21. she looks like she’s smuggling a Volkswagen.
22. when she was walking down the street and I swerved to miss her, I ran out of gas.
23. when she dances, she makes the band skip.
24. when she got her shoes shined, she had to take the guy’s word for it.
25. she gets group insurance.
26. she’s on both sides of the family.
27. she can’t reach her back pocket.
28. she was born with a silver shovel in her mouth.
29. when she fell over, she rocked herself to sleep trying to get up again.
30. when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips.

31. when she was diagnosed with a flesh-eating disease, the doctor gave her ten years to live.
32. we’re in her right now.
33. when she sits around the house, she really sits around the house.
34. her bellybutton’s got an echo.
35. when she turns around people throw her a welcome back party.
36. her belly button doesn’t have lint, it has sweaters.
37. the last time she saw 90210 was on a scale.
38. a picture of her would fall off the wall.
39. when she gets on the scale, it says “To be continued.”
40. she sat on a dollar, and when she got up there were four quarters.

41. she fell in love and broke it.
42. when she takes a shower, her feet don’t get wet.
43. you have to grease the door frame and hold a Twinkie on the other side just to get her through.
44. when she goes to an all-you-can-eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps.
45. when she wears a yellow raincoat people holler, “Taxi.”
46. when she gets in an elevator, it has to go down.
47. she could sell shade.
48. people jog around her for exercise.
49. she gets runs in her jeans.
50. when she wears a Malcolm X T-shirt, helicopters try to land on her back.

51. she eats Wheat Thicks.
52. light bends around her.
53. when she was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks.
54. her graduation picture was an aerial photograph.
55. her job title is spoon and fork operator.
56. she left the house in high heels, and when she came back she had on flip-flops.
57. you have to take a train and two buses just to get on her good side.
58. she has to wake up in sections.
59. she sat on a quarter and a booger popped out of George Washington’s nose.
60. she walked into the Gap and filled it.

61. she has to put her belt on with a boomerang.
62. she comes at you from all directions.
63. when she was growing up she didn’t play with dolls, she played with midgets.
64. she uses two buses for roller-blades.
65. when she goes to a buffet, she gets the group rate.
66. she doesn’t eat with a fork, she eats with a forklift.
67. Weight Watchers won’t look at her.
68. the last time the landlord saw her, he doubled the rent.
69. she put on some BVDs and by the time she got them on, they spelled “boulevard.”
70. I ran around her twice and got lost.

71. the shadow of her butt weighs 100 pounds.
72. the National Weather Service names each one of her farts.
73. when she’s standing on the corner police drive by and yell, “Hey, break it up.”
74. she’s been declared a natural habitat for condors.
75. she sets off car alarms when she runs.
76. when she goes to the zoo the elephants throw her peanuts.
77. her blood type is Ragu.
78. they had to let out the shower curtain.
79. when she runs the fifty-yard dash she needs an overnight bag.
80. she can’t even fit in the chat room.

81. she gets her toenails painted at Lucky’s Auto Body.
82. she doesn’t have a tailor, she has a contractor.
83. she measures 36-24-36, and the other arm is just as big.
84. she was in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade…wearing ropes.
85. she went on a light diet. As soon as it’s light she starts eating.
86. she’s half Italian, half Irish, and half American.
87. when her beeper goes off, people think she’s backing up.
88. when she goes to the movies, she sits next to everyone.
89. when she goes in a restaurant she looks at the menu and says, “Okay.”
90. she puts her lipstick on with a paint roller.

91. she has to pull down her pants to get in her pocket.
92. her waist size is the Equator.
93. she’s got her own zip code.
94. she has to buy two plane tickets.
95. she stands in two time zones.
96. she fell and created the Grand Canyon.
97. she can’t even jump to a conclusion.
98. she fell out of both sides of her bed.

Women vs Men

All those differences …

• If a girl laughs, she is a jolly fellow.
  If a man laughs, he is manner less.
• If a girl talks too much, she is witty.
  If a man talks too much, he is a chatterbox.
• If a girl loves silence, she is serious.
  If a man loves silence, he is dull.
• If a girl wears a unique dress, she is smart.
  If a man does so, he is a joker.
• If a girl eats too much, she is promoting.
  If a man eats too much, he is a glutton.
• If girls move together, they form a company.
  If men move together, they form a gang.

Here are some telling differences between the gender, in terms of psychological behaviors. (via danielfranklingomez.com)

1. Men grasp a situation as a whole and think globally, while women think locally, relying on details and subtleties.

2. Men are builders and creators. They take risks and experiment, while women select the most valuable knowledge and pass it over to the next generation.

3. Men are more independent in their thoughts and actions, while women are more willing to follow the ideas suggested by others.

4. Women’s self-appraisal is lower than that of men. Women tend to criticize themselves, while men are more satisfied with their own performance.

5. Men and women have different sources of satisfaction. For men it’s career and prosperity, while women value family and kids.

6. Men have a pronounced need to fulfill their goals, and women rank relationships with others first.

7. Men get sick twice as often as women, although women tend to be more concerned about their health.

8. Women endure pain and monotonous work better than men.

Angry woman with computer

Which type of woman do you like?

1. HARD-DISK Woman: She remembers everything you say and do, FOREVER.
2. WINDOWS Woman: Everyone knows that she can’t do anything right, but you can’t live without her.
3. EXCEL Woman: They say she can do a lot of things but you mostly use her for only your basic needs.
4. SCREENSAVER Woman: She is good for nothing functional, but at least she is exciting, colorful, and lots of fun.
5. INTERNET Woman: Difficult to access and hard to keep running.
6. SERVER Woman: Claims to be available to you, but Always busy when you need her.
7. MULTIMEDIA Woman: She has a way of making horrible things look very beautiful.
8. CD-ROM Woman: She always has you on the move, going faster and faster.
9. E-MAIL Woman: Out of Every ten things she says, eight are plain nonsense.
10. VIRUS Woman: Also known as “WIFE”; when you are least expecting her, she shows up, installs herself, and starts gobbling up all your resources. If you try to uninstall her, you will lose almost every thing. If you don’t try to uninstall her, you will still have nothing.

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to  Florida  to thaw out during a particularly  icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to   coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota  and flew to   Florida  on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband   checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.
Meanwhile, somewhere in  Houston , a widow had just returned home from her
husband’s funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow’s son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen, which read:

To: My Loving  Wife
Subject: I’ve Arrived
Date: October 16, 2004
I know you’re  surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I’ve just arrived and have been checked in.  I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.   Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is hot down here!

Smile

There are so many reasons to smile, but i will write just about 14.

• Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can’t even get into my own pants.

• Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you’re in bed with a relative.

• I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with “Guess” on it. So I said “Implants?” She hit me.

• How come we choose from just two people to run for president and over fifty for Miss America ?

• A good friend will come to bail you out of jail…but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, “Wow…that was fun!”

• I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn’t have signed up in the first place!

• When I was young we used to go “skinny dipping,” now I just “chunky dunk.”

• Don’t argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.

• Wouldn’t it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press ‘Ctrl Alt Delete’ and start all over? AMEN, AMEN !!

• Why is it that our children can’t read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?

• Wouldn’t you know it… Brain cells come, and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.

• Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed outside?

• Bumper sticker of the year: “If you can read this, thank a teacher -and, since it’s in English, thank a soldier”

• And remember: life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.