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Find out which female habits drive guys crazy…and not in a good way

It’s not easy for a man to tell his wife or girlfriend what she does to irritate him. In my experience, confessions like that tend to lodge themselves deep inside a woman’s subconscious, never to be forgotten…ever. More than that, women tend to focus so much on their so-called “faults” that it can feel excessive to give you more reasons to be critical of yourselves. But in the name of healthy communication, sometimes it’s importantfor couples to air their grievances. So let’s take a different approach: Don’t think of this list as the 10 things we dislike about you. Think of it more as the 10 thingsthat will bring us closer together…by you not doing them.

1. Second-Guessing Your Instincts

You know that colleague who you think is deceitful? Or that girlfriend of yours who can be condescending? Well, let us save you some time: Your colleague is deceitful, and your friend is condescending. Plain and simple. Sometimes face value is, well, valuable. While it’s true that men can have knee-jerk reactions, women tend to overdo it when it comes to giving people the benefit of the doubt. Yes, you could chalk your coworker’s attitude up to his insecurities or blame your friend’s tone on her manipulative mother, but instead, why not look out for your own feelings first? That’s what men are doing when we offer a simple opinion on your dilemmas—we’re trying to take your side. It would be nice if you did the same.

2. Assuming We Know What You Want Us to Do

One of the reasons men can be squeamish aboutwomen’s emotions is because they often belie the exact opposite feeling. For example: If you have plans for the day, please don’t tell us to enjoy ourselves at home if you really want us to address items 1 through 5 on the honey-do list. It’s more than a little irksome to have you return, hug us, lookaround the house, and then say with that pinched smile, “Did you have a nice, relaxing day?”

3. Smothering Instead of Mothering

Women can confuse these two impulses––knowing the difference is crucial. One elicits gratitude in men; the other, orneriness. Like when we’re sick. Mothering is a source of comfort that understands our flu is a temporary flaw in an otherwise heroic, virile and even studly constitution. Smothering, on the other hand, calls all of that into question. Smothering says we’re 5-year-old boys who have no idea how to take care of ourselves. And that bugs us more than the bug in us. One way to differentiate between the two: Ask yourself if you’re making a gesture to ease our suffering or to show how much we should appreciate you. The first is genuine; the second is manipulative.

4. Having a Superiority Complex

We’re not sure if you’re aware of this, but there appears to be an increasing trend among womento equate being male with being dumb. For instance, when we’re at a dinner party and you recount a story about us that ends with this punch line: “Well, you know [insert name of your dim husband here], he was just being a typical man.” Sure, every guy has his off moments––even blunders worth lampooning––but making us the hapless straight man in an ongoing comedy routine is disrespectful. And we think you’d hate it if we did the same to you.

5. Over-Sharing

We’re aware of the stereotype that says men never open up about their feelings. Thing is, sometimes opening up to you also means opening up to your sister, your mother or even your college roommate. Men value loyalty and confidentiality. Keeping the things we share between us––and only us––builds trust and will encourage even more communication. A win-win situation for everyone.

6. Not Really Listening to Us

Along those lines, many women believe that their interior lives deserve a singular spotlight and an endless theatrical run. And the fact that many men go along with this shouldn’t be construed as a license to spill. Our emotional lives are often as turbulent as yours, but whenever we talk about the tough stuff, we measure the changes in your face or shifts in your intonation to gauge when you start to judge us. It may be cowardly, but men will stop talking rather than risk a woman’s passive or outright wrath. So, by taking a backseat and letting your guy unburden himself—even if the subject is controversial or delivered in halting fashion—you create space for a more candid, and therefore truer, intimacy.

7. RSVPing for Us

Any man can relate to this moment: You’re on your way home from work, imagining the weekend ahead…the relaxation, the freedom. Then you arrive home, only to learn that you have plans. Magical plans, it seems, since they appeared out of nowhere. OK, not nowhere exactly—they were conceived with the stroke of the wifely wand that says “You’re in too, bub!” Here’s the deal: If you’re determined to make plans that include your husband or boyfriend, ask him first. And be prepared to hear that he might be too tired or would prefer to have a quiet weekend. Honoring his preferences from time to time will not go unnoticed.

8. Fast-forwarding to the Future

Women enjoy imagining the future. The story as itwill be as opposed to the story that is right now. That can be a wonderful, romantic quality. It can also be an irritating, annoying quality. Having dinner together this Valentine’s Day is beautiful enough without scripting the Valentine’s Day we’ll have when we’re both 75. Enjoying the new sofa that we just bought is great without having to obsess over all of the other things that we “need” to make the living room look complete. Living in the moment provides its own vitality, which is more than enough to sustain our future together.

9. Overlooking Our Quiet Acts of Thoughtfulness

We know it’s disappointing that we men aren’t great at expressing ourselves verbally. (And we’re working on that.) But in the same vein, we’re disappointed that you can’t seem to acknowledge the nonverbal acts of caring that we perform. Like changing the oil in your car, for example, or staying up late to make sure you arrived home safely from your business trip. Chivalry also falls into this category. The art of being a gentleman doesn’t have to mean the end of feminism. Paying for dinner, holding the door open, standing up when you walk into a room…these are all gestures that demonstrate our awareness of others. Our awareness of you, specifically. While courtesy isn’t the sum total of love, it’s often how we show our feelings day to day. Womenshouldn’t be so quick to rebuff that.

10. Devaluing Our Friendships

Friendships were once considered a formative presence in a man’s life. Older men were role models who helped develop character, while peers provided a level of camaraderie and acceptance that allowed us to forgo the machismo and be our truest selves––be that a poet, outdoorsman or both. While the value of sisterhood is extolled for women, the male equivalent is often vilified, and much of that is because women regard male friendships as being at odds with their romantic relationships. The two shouldn’t be mutually exclusive—and encouraging rather than discouraging our time with our buddies would be a welcome change.

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That’s a prime example of a ‘Yo Momma’ joke, a genre so popular it became the basis for a series of no-holds-barred competitions on MTV. Produced and hosted by actor Wilmer Valderrama, matches were held on successive seasons in Los Angeles, New York and Atlanta.

From Monday to Thursday, the show pitted the toughest trash talkers against one another. Each team of contestants battled it out in front of a rowdy live audience of their peers. The four winners then came back on Friday for a Best of the Week. Here are 98 more prime examples of Yo Momma humor:

Yo momma so fat,

1. she had to go to Sea World to get baptized.
2. when she tripped over on Fourth Avenue, she landed on Twelfth.
3. she’s got her own area code.
4. when she talks to herself, it’s a long distance call.
5. she’s got smaller fat women orbiting around her.
6. whenever she goes to the beach, the tide comes in.
7. she was born on the fourth, fifth, and sixth of March.
8. she was floating in the ocean, and Spain claimed her for the New World.
9. she wears aluminum siding.
10. she could fall down and wouldn’t even know it.

11. she got hit by a VW and had to go to the hospital to have it removed.
12. the sign inside one restaurant says, “Maximum occupancy, 512, or Yo momma.”
13. she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
14. the back of her neck looks like a pack of hot dogs.
15. her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard.
16. she has to iron her pants on the driveway.
17. when she goes to a restaurant, she doesn’t get a menu, she gets an estimate.
18. when she ran away, they had to use all four sides of the milk carton.
19. she was zoned for commercial development.
20. when she sings, it’s over for everybody.

21. she looks like she’s smuggling a Volkswagen.
22. when she was walking down the street and I swerved to miss her, I ran out of gas.
23. when she dances, she makes the band skip.
24. when she got her shoes shined, she had to take the guy’s word for it.
25. she gets group insurance.
26. she’s on both sides of the family.
27. she can’t reach her back pocket.
28. she was born with a silver shovel in her mouth.
29. when she fell over, she rocked herself to sleep trying to get up again.
30. when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips.

31. when she was diagnosed with a flesh-eating disease, the doctor gave her ten years to live.
32. we’re in her right now.
33. when she sits around the house, she really sits around the house.
34. her bellybutton’s got an echo.
35. when she turns around people throw her a welcome back party.
36. her belly button doesn’t have lint, it has sweaters.
37. the last time she saw 90210 was on a scale.
38. a picture of her would fall off the wall.
39. when she gets on the scale, it says “To be continued.”
40. she sat on a dollar, and when she got up there were four quarters.

41. she fell in love and broke it.
42. when she takes a shower, her feet don’t get wet.
43. you have to grease the door frame and hold a Twinkie on the other side just to get her through.
44. when she goes to an all-you-can-eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps.
45. when she wears a yellow raincoat people holler, “Taxi.”
46. when she gets in an elevator, it has to go down.
47. she could sell shade.
48. people jog around her for exercise.
49. she gets runs in her jeans.
50. when she wears a Malcolm X T-shirt, helicopters try to land on her back.

51. she eats Wheat Thicks.
52. light bends around her.
53. when she was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks.
54. her graduation picture was an aerial photograph.
55. her job title is spoon and fork operator.
56. she left the house in high heels, and when she came back she had on flip-flops.
57. you have to take a train and two buses just to get on her good side.
58. she has to wake up in sections.
59. she sat on a quarter and a booger popped out of George Washington’s nose.
60. she walked into the Gap and filled it.

61. she has to put her belt on with a boomerang.
62. she comes at you from all directions.
63. when she was growing up she didn’t play with dolls, she played with midgets.
64. she uses two buses for roller-blades.
65. when she goes to a buffet, she gets the group rate.
66. she doesn’t eat with a fork, she eats with a forklift.
67. Weight Watchers won’t look at her.
68. the last time the landlord saw her, he doubled the rent.
69. she put on some BVDs and by the time she got them on, they spelled “boulevard.”
70. I ran around her twice and got lost.

71. the shadow of her butt weighs 100 pounds.
72. the National Weather Service names each one of her farts.
73. when she’s standing on the corner police drive by and yell, “Hey, break it up.”
74. she’s been declared a natural habitat for condors.
75. she sets off car alarms when she runs.
76. when she goes to the zoo the elephants throw her peanuts.
77. her blood type is Ragu.
78. they had to let out the shower curtain.
79. when she runs the fifty-yard dash she needs an overnight bag.
80. she can’t even fit in the chat room.

81. she gets her toenails painted at Lucky’s Auto Body.
82. she doesn’t have a tailor, she has a contractor.
83. she measures 36-24-36, and the other arm is just as big.
84. she was in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade…wearing ropes.
85. she went on a light diet. As soon as it’s light she starts eating.
86. she’s half Italian, half Irish, and half American.
87. when her beeper goes off, people think she’s backing up.
88. when she goes to the movies, she sits next to everyone.
89. when she goes in a restaurant she looks at the menu and says, “Okay.”
90. she puts her lipstick on with a paint roller.

91. she has to pull down her pants to get in her pocket.
92. her waist size is the Equator.
93. she’s got her own zip code.
94. she has to buy two plane tickets.
95. she stands in two time zones.
96. she fell and created the Grand Canyon.
97. she can’t even jump to a conclusion.
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The 2008 U.S. presidential election is the most Internet-fueled race to date. Check out these related tweets.

1. Abandoned by John Edwards: Before John Edwards dropped out of the presidential race, he dropped out of the Twitter community without a word.
2. Debate Torrent: USofA discussed torrenting the Democratic Debates.
3. Downing Street Shirks Back: Downing Street doesn’t engage in emotive political dialogue.
4. Barack Obama Gets Snarky: Sen. Obama mused about a second-place vice-presidency offer.

Popular Culture

These tweets focus on shameful pop-culture conversations.

1. Predicting “American Idol“: These users shared their “American Idol” preferences on Twitter.
2. “Showgirls“: This Twitter user admitted to watching “Showgirls.”
3. “American Idol” Spoilers: There were a variety of funny and embarrassing posts about spoiling the “American Idol” finale.

Corporate

See what kind of hilarity ensues when corporations try to use Twitter.

1. Comcast Complaints: Comcast found out what customers really think of it on Twitter.
2. Moonman: MTV Networks tries to reach out via Twitter.
3. The New York Times: The New York Times uses its Twitter feed to push headlines, so it’s no wonder that the majority of subscribers are just other The New York Times feeds.
4. Innocent Drinks on Twitter: Innocent Drinks has been criticized for creating a one-sided, underused Twitter account.
5. Comcast’s One-Person Outage: Michael Arrington publicly complained about his Comcast connection and got results.

Society

These tweets highlight a few embarrassing social moments.

1. Banned from The 2008 Time 100: Julia Allison realized that she’s in a class of her own.
2. Laurel Touby Brags: Laurel sent out a few tweets about her dinner with two “Bloomergonians.”
3. Drunk Twittering: Zappos.com Inc. offers a warning against Twittering while drunk.
4. Twitter Wine Tasting: Project Vino held a Twitter wine-tasting party.
5. Arrested: A University of California, Berkeley grad student told his Twitter followers that he’s been arrested, and they came to his rescue.

At Work

Twitter isn’t all fun and games — sometimes, you bring it to work.

1. Fired: Former Yahoo! Inc. employee Ryan Kuder used Twitter to document the progress of his layoff from the company.
2. Hard at Work: Alex Payne revealed the real reason behind Twitter’s scaling problem.

Love and Family

These tweets get a little bit intimate.

1. Twitter Marriage Proposal: This couple got engaged via Twitter.
2. Forgotten Engagement: This couple forgot about their anniversary.
3. Getting Personal: This user told Twitter about her sexual needs.
4. Twitter Baby: Robert Scoble microblogged his newborn son’s hospital delivery.

Mistakes

Check out these tweets that highlight accidents like unintentional pornography and needle-swallowing.

1. GroupTweet: A user of GroupTweet accidentally posted her direct messages to the group account, sharing private conversations with a number of different people.
2. Unintentional Pornorgraphy: One Twitter user checked out translation work, which turned out to be pornography.
3. Twitter Suicide: A man contemplates suicide, and his Twitter friends sort of come to his rescue.
4. Matching Titles: Mashable used the same title as SocialTimes.com about an hour after the original article was posted.
5. Opposite Day: Twitter had a bug that caused some users to log in and send updates as other people.
6. Trashing PC Magazine: Steve Rubel, of public-relations firm Edelman, posted that he throws his free PC Magazine in the trash, which prompted a backlash from clients who pitch to the magazine.
7. Needle Swallowing: Jenny of The Bloggess worried that she might have inadvertently swallowed a needle.
8. Primal Tweet: One user let out a primal scream of 140 uppercase A’s with no breaks, screwing up the formatting for his own Twitter and his followers.

Spoofs

In these tweets, the joke was on the readers.

1. PayPerTweet: On April Fools’ Day, ProBlogger launched PayPerTweet, an advertising service.
2. PodTech.net Firing: Chuck Olsen tweeted that a PodTech.net employee was fired, and everyone believed him.

Anger

Tweets may grow old and tempers may calm, but these messages will live on forever.

1. An Interviewer’s Shame: This interviewer defended her highly criticized questions.
2. Unfollow Me: Leo Laporte called for a boycott of Kevin Rose but later regretted it, as he was “drunk and out of control.”
3. Blaine Cook on Downtime: Blaine Cook, former architect of Twitter, took a cheap shot about Twitter’s downtime using Twitter.
4. Twitter Racism: Hayden Black posted a surprisingly rude tweet about Kanye West’s dead mother.
5. Name-Calling: After Twitter founder Evan Williams overheard a woman call the service boring, he mockingly called her a bitch via Twitter, and Valleywag posted it as a serious story.
6. A Tweet Too Far: Although Twitter’s terms of service forbids harassment, one user has trouble with enforcing this rule.

At Home

Twitter is often used for mobile updating, but these users decided to take home use to a whole new level.

1. The Clapper: Justin Wickett set up a remote switch triggered by Twitter.
2. Alarm-Clock Shame: Chris Adams uses Twitter to shame himself into getting up on time.
3. Botanicalls: This tool will let you know when your plants are low on water.

Fakers

It’s hard to say who these tweets embarrass more — the people who wrote them or the people being impersonated.

1. Dvorak Versus Rupley: The Cranky Geeks practiced Twitter impersonation.
2. CNN: A CNN spoof poked fun at Hillary Clinton’s emotional state.
3. The Dark Lord: Darth Vader tweeted about the balance of evil and more.

Funny

These tweets are shameful but funny.

1. Toilet Humor: This comic followed a few Twitter updates that are a little immature and best kept private.
2. Plane Crash: One user said that he or she can’t wait to crash on the plane.
3. Twenty-Two Incher: This tweet discussed a computer monitor, but it sounded like it was referring to something else.
4. Twitter Cough: In Michael Arrington’s test of TwitterFone, he sent out a coughing tweet.
5. Awkward: Michael Arrington tweeted about Robert Scoble visiting his house after writing a critical post about advertising.

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Personally, I like to think that the reason for this is simply because men love them. Nothing sexist about that at all.

However, there are some people out there — most of them women I must confess — who claim these are called “she” because men like to have control over them. I argue that’s just a bunch of drivel. Name me a ship or a car or a country that won’t punish you if  you don’t treat it with the necessary care and attention. It’s just not possible. So who’s really calling the shots?

If cars were completely under control there would be no bumps and bashes on the roads. If ships were fully under control there would be no sunken wrecks. If countries were fully dominated there would be no wars.

Yes, women have been and many remain oppressed. That’s unacceptable, regrettable and a bunch of other -ables, but we’ve made and will continue to make a lot of progress.

Men and women may be equal when it comes to quality, but they are not the same, no matter what anyone might say. Apart from the obvious physical differences, there are some advantages women have over men.

Generally speaking, women live longer than men. Some studies show women cope better with pain then men, too (perhaps it’s from going through something painful every month – I’ll leave it at that). Fewer diseases affect just women.

Think about it. It’s a compliment of the highest order to refer to anything as female.

And so, it doesn’t take a genius to work out that laptops are like women. And here’s 10 reasons why:

1. Physical attributes

Laptops come in all different shapes, sizes and textures, just like women. Some are slender and ultra light whereas others are more chunky and rugged.

You’ll find some with curves in all the right places and others with long, straight lines.

You can find many that are perfectly smooth to the touch; others are a bit rough around the edges.

No matter what sort of man you are there’s a laptop to suit your personality whether that’s a larger model, full of surprises, or a neat and compact ‘what you see is what you get’ netbook sort of thing.

Laptops and women can be exquisite, elegant and expensive, smooth, soft and sexy, or cheap, cheerful and cheeky. Men really are spoilt for choice.

2. Processing Power

Some laptops have more processing power than others.

No one would argue that even less powerful laptops can still handle mathematical functions faster than men (OK, and women, too) but the main similarity between laptops and women regarding processing power is that even the most basic laptop can do more than one thing at a time.

Even the slowest woman can multitask. Men? Not so much.

Just take men watching sport as an example. When they’re watching the game, they don’t hear the phone or doorbell ring and you can call his name a dozen times and get no response. Everything around them is filtered out.

While there’s something to be said for such focus, there’s perhaps more to be said for the ability to multitask.

Women can watch television, surf the ‘net, write lists and send e-mails or text messages. And they’re still holding up their end of the conversation at the same time.

Even women who don’t score too highly on the intelligence quotient (i.e. have low processing power) still use a larger portion of their brains than men and brain imaging scans prove it. Women apparently have more connections between both sides of the brain than men.

Of course, some women move a bit faster on all these tasks than others, just as laptops vary in speed. Some whiz around getting things done at lightning speed, while others reluctantly plod through the day’s tasks.

Regardless, most women and laptops can process more information in a single day than the average male can get through in a week.

3. Memory Matters

Most men will surely have experienced this at some point with their mother, sister, girlfriend, wife — or any other female, for that matter.

During an argument, debate or even simple conversation, a woman is able to recall not only word for word what you said two years ago last Wednesday, she also can mimic the expression you had on your face, describe what you were wearing and tell you who else was there.

The only explanation for this is that, like laptops, women have more RAM than men. Emphasis on the “random.”

4. Costs and Maintenance

The sensible thing to do when buying a laptop would be to buy a model according to your budget and your needs. But, then, men aren’t always sensible.

Even if you like the idea of having a top-of-the-line model, it might be more prudent to go for the cheap and cheerful version that’s more than capable of giving you everything you need and stays within your budget.

Remember, though, that with both laptops and women appearances can be deceiving, so be careful. A lot look pretty damn good on the outside, but don’t have much going on under the hood. These models, no doubt, prove to be high maintenance in the long term.

Others may not be as aesthetically pleasing, but they will function beautifully and give you everything you could ever want and more.

It’s a sad fact there will always be men prone to splashing out more than they can realistically afford whether on their laptop or on their woman to look cool on the street. Trouble is, back at home when there’s no one to impress, they secretly wish they’d gone for something else.

5. Temperament

Some laptops have a tendency to respond well one day and simply refuse to cooperate the next — and for no apparent reason. If I’m being completely honest here, there are plenty of women like that. Mysterious creatures, we are.

It goes without saying that if you treat your laptop badly, you run the risk of it shutting down on you, when it will absolutely and resolutely refuse to play and exactly at the moment you need it most.

Women are more than capable of responding in exactly the same way. Treat them (both) well.

6. Risk of theft

Judging by the number of laptops stolen on a daily basis, they are highly attractive to opportunist thieves. So if you pay it no mind and leave it unattended for too long, you may well find it has disappeared, and right from under your nose.

Take heed: if you take your attention off your woman for too long, don’t complain if someone else nabs her. It/s a distressing experience you won’t want to repeat.

Remember, you will never ever be able to replace everything you lost no matter how well you thought you had everything backed up. (That goes for both laptops and women.)

7. What about networking?

Some laptops are just made to connect well with others and can significantly enhance your social life whereas other laptops only capable of only a one-on-one relationship with you, and you alone. When on the lookout for a new model, consider this point carefully.

Do you want a life in the fast lane of the information superhighway, linking up with other computers both in your house and over the World Wide Web? Or would you prefer to cozy up at home with just you and your beloved for company? Make your choice carefully as there will be trouble ahead if you change your mind after you’ve committed yourself.

8. Noise Pollution

We have to face it — noise can be a significant factor in your relationships with your laptop or your female companion.

Some laptops are so loud that they get on your nerves and you can hardly stand to keep them on. You’re in a pretty sorry state if you find yourself with a woman like that, too.

You might spend your days envying other guys who are able to sit in comfortable silence with their lover or laptop, because yours just won’t shut up no matter what you do. If this is the case, it’s probably better to ditch them both and get some peace.

9. Troubleshooting

Trouble is inevitable from time to time, to be sure. But the worst kind is when you go to turn your laptop on and it starts protesting and you hardly get anything done before it suddenly shuts down on you.

Is it your hard drive? Is there some sort of software conflict you’re unaware of? Have you forgotten an important update or done something you shouldn’t have done?

This is serious stuff as you’re left without a clue what to do to put it right and it’s going to take some time and effort to sort it out, if that’s even possible.

Better to do the proper research before bringing it home and don’t do anything at all without the correct protocols and permissions.

Oh, I was talking about the laptops there. As for women … well, I don’t think I need to repeat everything I just said.

10. Efficiency

Men just can’t function efficiently without them.

images and story via: geekwithlaptop

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Women vs Men

All those differences …

• If a girl laughs, she is a jolly fellow.
  If a man laughs, he is manner less.
• If a girl talks too much, she is witty.
  If a man talks too much, he is a chatterbox.
• If a girl loves silence, she is serious.
  If a man loves silence, he is dull.
• If a girl wears a unique dress, she is smart.
  If a man does so, he is a joker.
• If a girl eats too much, she is promoting.
  If a man eats too much, he is a glutton.
• If girls move together, they form a company.
  If men move together, they form a gang.

Here are some telling differences between the gender, in terms of psychological behaviors. (via danielfranklingomez.com)

1. Men grasp a situation as a whole and think globally, while women think locally, relying on details and subtleties.

2. Men are builders and creators. They take risks and experiment, while women select the most valuable knowledge and pass it over to the next generation.

3. Men are more independent in their thoughts and actions, while women are more willing to follow the ideas suggested by others.

4. Women’s self-appraisal is lower than that of men. Women tend to criticize themselves, while men are more satisfied with their own performance.

5. Men and women have different sources of satisfaction. For men it’s career and prosperity, while women value family and kids.

6. Men have a pronounced need to fulfill their goals, and women rank relationships with others first.

7. Men get sick twice as often as women, although women tend to be more concerned about their health.

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Angry woman with computer

Which type of woman do you like?

1. HARD-DISK Woman: She remembers everything you say and do, FOREVER.
2. WINDOWS Woman: Everyone knows that she can’t do anything right, but you can’t live without her.
3. EXCEL Woman: They say she can do a lot of things but you mostly use her for only your basic needs.
4. SCREENSAVER Woman: She is good for nothing functional, but at least she is exciting, colorful, and lots of fun.
5. INTERNET Woman: Difficult to access and hard to keep running.
6. SERVER Woman: Claims to be available to you, but Always busy when you need her.
7. MULTIMEDIA Woman: She has a way of making horrible things look very beautiful.
8. CD-ROM Woman: She always has you on the move, going faster and faster.
9. E-MAIL Woman: Out of Every ten things she says, eight are plain nonsense.
10. VIRUS Woman: Also known as “WIFE”; when you are least expecting her, she shows up, installs herself, and starts gobbling up all your resources. If you try to uninstall her, you will lose almost every thing. If you don’t try to uninstall her, you will still have nothing.Similar Posts:

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Smile

There are so many reasons to smile, but i will write just about 14.

• Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can’t even get into my own pants.

• Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you’re in bed with a relative.

• I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with “Guess” on it. So I said “Implants?” She hit me.

• How come we choose from just two people to run for president and over fifty for Miss America ?

• A good friend will come to bail you out of jail…but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, “Wow…that was fun!”

• I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn’t have signed up in the first place!

• When I was young we used to go “skinny dipping,” now I just “chunky dunk.”

• Don’t argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.

• Wouldn’t it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press ‘Ctrl Alt Delete’ and start all over? AMEN, AMEN !!

• Why is it that our children can’t read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?

• Wouldn’t you know it… Brain cells come, and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.

• Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed outside?

• Bumper sticker of the year: “If you can read this, thank a teacher -and, since it’s in English, thank a soldier”

• And remember: life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

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