50 Twitter updates that you’ll never forget

Political

The 2008 U.S. presidential election is the most Internet-fueled race to date. Check out these related tweets.

1. Abandoned by John Edwards: Before John Edwards dropped out of the presidential race, he dropped out of the Twitter community without a word.
2. Debate Torrent: USofA discussed torrenting the Democratic Debates.
3. Downing Street Shirks Back: Downing Street doesn’t engage in emotive political dialogue.
4. Barack Obama Gets Snarky: Sen. Obama mused about a second-place vice-presidency offer.

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Popularity: 16%

Virginity check

A young man was  planning to get married and asked his doctor how he could tell if  his bride is a virgin.
The doctor  said, ‘Well, you need three things. A can of red paint, a  can of blue paint and a shovel..’
The man was  astonished and asked, ‘So what do I do with these?’
The doc  replied, ‘Before the wedding night, you paint your one ball  red and the other ball blue.   If she says, ‘That’s the strangest pair of balls I ever saw’, you hit her head with the shovel.’

Popularity: 1%

Laptops are like women

Many people wonder why we attribute a female gender to ships, cars and even countries, as we tend to refer to them as “she.”

Personally, I like to think that the reason for this is simply because men love them. Nothing sexist about that at all.

However, there are some people out there — most of them women I must confess — who claim these are called “she” because men like to have control over them. I argue that’s just a bunch of drivel. Name me a ship or a car or a country that won’t punish you if  you don’t treat it with the necessary care and attention. It’s just not possible. So who’s really calling the shots?

If cars were completely under control there would be no bumps and bashes on the roads. If ships were fully under control there would be no sunken wrecks. If countries were fully dominated there would be no wars.

Yes, women have been and many remain oppressed. That’s unacceptable, regrettable and a bunch of other -ables, but we’ve made and will continue to make a lot of progress.

Men and women may be equal when it comes to quality, but they are not the same, no matter what anyone might say. Apart from the obvious physical differences, there are some advantages women have over men.

Generally speaking, women live longer than men. Some studies show women cope better with pain then men, too (perhaps it’s from going through something painful every month – I’ll leave it at that). Fewer diseases affect just women.

Think about it. It’s a compliment of the highest order to refer to anything as female.

And so, it doesn’t take a genius to work out that laptops are like women. And here’s 10 reasons why:

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Popularity: 1%

Women vs. Men

Women vs Men

All those differences …

• If a girl laughs, she is a jolly fellow.
  If a man laughs, he is manner less.
• If a girl talks too much, she is witty.
  If a man talks too much, he is a chatterbox.
• If a girl loves silence, she is serious.
  If a man loves silence, he is dull.
• If a girl wears a unique dress, she is smart.
  If a man does so, he is a joker.
• If a girl eats too much, she is promoting.
  If a man eats too much, he is a glutton.
• If girls move together, they form a company.
  If men move together, they form a gang.

Here are some telling differences between the gender, in terms of psychological behaviors. (via danielfranklingomez.com)

1. Men grasp a situation as a whole and think globally, while women think locally, relying on details and subtleties.

2. Men are builders and creators. They take risks and experiment, while women select the most valuable knowledge and pass it over to the next generation.

3. Men are more independent in their thoughts and actions, while women are more willing to follow the ideas suggested by others.

4. Women’s self-appraisal is lower than that of men. Women tend to criticize themselves, while men are more satisfied with their own performance.

5. Men and women have different sources of satisfaction. For men it’s career and prosperity, while women value family and kids.

6. Men have a pronounced need to fulfill their goals, and women rank relationships with others first.

7. Men get sick twice as often as women, although women tend to be more concerned about their health.

8. Women endure pain and monotonous work better than men.

Popularity: 2%

Cumputer women

Angry woman with computer

Which type of woman do you like?

1. HARD-DISK Woman: She remembers everything you say and do, FOREVER.
2. WINDOWS Woman: Everyone knows that she can’t do anything right, but you can’t live without her.
3. EXCEL Woman: They say she can do a lot of things but you mostly use her for only your basic needs.
4. SCREENSAVER Woman: She is good for nothing functional, but at least she is exciting, colorful, and lots of fun.
5. INTERNET Woman: Difficult to access and hard to keep running.
6. SERVER Woman: Claims to be available to you, but Always busy when you need her.
7. MULTIMEDIA Woman: She has a way of making horrible things look very beautiful.
8. CD-ROM Woman: She always has you on the move, going faster and faster.
9. E-MAIL Woman: Out of Every ten things she says, eight are plain nonsense.
10. VIRUS Woman: Also known as “WIFE”; when you are least expecting her, she shows up, installs herself, and starts gobbling up all your resources. If you try to uninstall her, you will lose almost every thing. If you don’t try to uninstall her, you will still have nothing.

Popularity: 1%

14 Reasons to Smile

Smile

There are so many reasons to smile, but i will write just about 14.

• Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can’t even get into my own pants.

• Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you’re in bed with a relative.

• I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with “Guess” on it. So I said “Implants?” She hit me.

• How come we choose from just two people to run for president and over fifty for Miss America ?

• A good friend will come to bail you out of jail…but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, “Wow…that was fun!”

• I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn’t have signed up in the first place!

• When I was young we used to go “skinny dipping,” now I just “chunky dunk.”

• Don’t argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.

• Wouldn’t it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press ‘Ctrl Alt Delete’ and start all over? AMEN, AMEN !!

• Why is it that our children can’t read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?

• Wouldn’t you know it… Brain cells come, and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.

• Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed outside?

• Bumper sticker of the year: “If you can read this, thank a teacher -and, since it’s in English, thank a soldier”

• And remember: life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

Popularity: 1%