Source: DailyMail

Monday night the statue was destroyed by fire after being struck by lightning.

Source: CNN

Ok so I was going to go to the strip club in downtown SF yesterday. So I saw the bookstore on the way there and decided to see if they had a good blackcherleader or black anal films. Ive been there before but never ventured far. So I was looking around for the DVD and then I looked over and saw a door and the top said “Extra 5 dollar fee upon entrance”. I didn’t think anything of it so I continued on with my browsing.

A couple minutes later on I look up and there is this cute provocative dressed latin girl with a white guy. There was a couple other people in the store but I didn’t pay any attention to them. All the sudden the guy that was with the latin girl walked out after saying his goodbyes, i guess she was going to look for a film for her boytoy. So I looked at her and she smiled and I smiled. I got a thought at that moment, maybe If i go pay a 5 dollar entrance fee and find out whats back there she might sneak back there too. Im not a good looking guy, but Im pretty big guy and I smiled and I was hoping that she would be lured in by the kinkiness of going back there.

So I went up to the counter asked the guy what it was. He says “Oh its just adult video booths and a wating room with a couch”. I figured what the hell and so I paid 5 dollars and went in the back. I walked past the booths went in the last one next to the waiting room. They were charging money so I put in 25 cents for intial video to show. I looked over and saw a big hole there. I was like oh no you mean they have this gay glory hole crap Ive been hearing about. ALl the sudden I heard footsteps so I assumed it was the girl since it was only like a minute after entering the back. I was getting real horny with the porno sounds and images and the thought of her wanting to go back there to fool around.

I then came up with the genious idea to stick my dick through the hole. I was real aroused so I just stuck it through. ALl the sudden the footsteps went past me I heard a long pause and out of nowhere I feel a mouth on my dick. I started groaning and I felt hands on my dick and felt spit and the hard sucking of a dick. My first thoughts were this girl can suck a mean dick. So I said “You are such a naughty girl, I can’t believe you do this behind that guys back”. WEll they continued to keep sucking. Eventually I got bored though since I never cum from a blowjob so I said “Ok thats enough I don’t cum from blowjobs”. So I pulled my dick out.

I thought I would hear a deep sexy voice saying how hot that was and how she wanted to come in the booth etc etc, but instead I heard the voice of what sounded like a 50 year old fat guy say ” Hey there is better places you can stick that big guy”. I was so embarassed and angered I didn’t say anything and stayed in there until he was gone. I must have stayed in there a half hour to make sure he was out of the store. I was so digusted I went straight to the strip club and got a blowjob from the usal stripper that delivers. This has got to be the most digusting experience of my life!

via:funnystuffblog.com

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to  Florida  to thaw out during a particularly  icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to   coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota  and flew to   Florida  on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband   checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.
Meanwhile, somewhere in  Houston , a widow had just returned home from her
husband’s funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow’s son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen, which read:

To: My Loving  Wife
Subject: I’ve Arrived
Date: October 16, 2004
I know you’re  surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I’ve just arrived and have been checked in.  I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.   Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is hot down here!

1. A bicycle can’t stand alone because it is two-tired.
2. What’s the definition of a will? (It’s a dead giveaway).
3. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
4. A backward poet writes inverse.
5. In democracy it’s your vote that counts; in feudalism, it’s your Count that votes.
6. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
7. Seven days without a pun makes one weak.
8. If you don’t pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
9. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
10. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I’ll show you A-flat minor.
11. When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
12. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
13. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
14. You feel stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.
15. Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.
16. He often broke in to song because he couldn’t find the key.
17. Every calendar’s days are numbered.
18. A lot of money is tainted: ‘Taint yours and ‘taint mine.
19. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
20. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
21. A plateau is a high form of flattery.
22. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
23. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
24. When you’ve seen one shopping center, you’ve seen a mall.
25. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
26. When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she’d dye.
27. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
28. Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.
29. Acupuncture is a jab well done.
30. Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.

Fast Sex

Michael wanted desperately to have sex with this really cute, really hot girl in his office… But she was dating someone else.

One day Michael got so frustrated that he went to her and said, I’ll give you $100 if you let me have sex with you…

The girl looked at him, and then said, ‘NO!’

Michael said I’ll be real fast. I’ll throw the money on the floor, you bend down and I’ll finish by the time you’ve picked it up.’

She thought for a moment and said that she would consult with her boyfriend.  So she called him and explained the situation. Her boyfriend says, ‘Ask him for $200, and pick up the money really fast.  He won’t even be able to get his pants down.’

She agreed and accepts the proposal.

Over half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is still waiting for his girlfriend’s call.  Finally, after 45 minute’s the boyfriend calls and asks, ‘What happened…?’

Still breathing hard, she managed to reply, ‘The bastard had all quarters!’

Management lesson:

Always consider a business proposition in it’s entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed.